As I wrote last time, I happened across the video “How to Attract Women for Shy Guys” on YouTube by dating coach DeAnna Lorraine. In that post, I made fun of DeAnna’s; I took umbrage at her overuse of the perjorative term “dud” to describe what a typical
attention seeking outgoing woman thinks of “shy and quiet guys”; and I noted that she actually did have several good dating tips in the video.
As promised, I’ll make a couple more points then let it go.
DeAnna Lorraine uses the word “chemistry” ten times in the ten-minute video. I guess it must be important to women or something.
They’re on a date. Her emotions are in the beaker.
Here’s all 10 “chemistry” quotes from the video:
- Women tend to have more chemistry with them [outgoing men] and desire them more.
- She’s having a good time, and having fun. And that there’s chemistry.
- If she’s trying to tease you or make jokes, she’s trying to create chemistry with you.
- When you tease and when you banter back and forth, that is a key to creating attraction and chemistry and spark.
- If you just say ha-ha and let it go flat, she’s gonna keep feeling like “oh my god this guy’s so boring, there’s no chemistry.”
- The double date will bring out more of your personality… so you guys can have a greater chance of having chemistry.
- That [activity dates] will also help the conversations from… going stale, and can actually create more chemistry when there’s something going on.
- She doesn’t like the silence, and she’s trying to create more chemistry with you.
- If there’s… no playfulness and stimulating conversations, she’s gonna go home thinking “that guy was such a nice guy, but…” And the but is – there was just no spark, just no chemistry, and you’re gonna fall into the friend zone like every other time.
- When she’s touching you, she’s trying to see if there’s any sexual chemistry going on.
So, I couldn’t help but start thinking about chemistry. (And thinking about things is what we omega males do instead of, you know, taking action).
What exactly does chemistry mean, in the context of dating?
“Chemistry” is code for the woman’s emotional state. Chemistry means feelings – her feelings, that is, because nobody gives a crap how the man feels about the situation. (PUAs might call it her “hamster”)
And it all hangs on you and me, fellas – and not just the shy guys but all men. Her feelings are our responsibility. If she feels good, it’s chemistry. If she’s bored, you’re a dud. Whether or not she is boring to you doesn’t matter.
That’s it: Boredom is emotional b.o. to women.
That last line on the chemistry list is a nice segue into the other point, which was that DeAnna understands the importance of kino. That is, touching, physical contact.
…a lot of guys who are shy and quiet tend to be not very comfortable with touchy-feely stuff, and they tend to be kind of stiff and awkward. And guess what? Women can sense that, and it makes us stiff and awkward and uncomfortable. We don’t want to do that, so most women will try to break that as soon as possible. They’re wanting to escalate it, and they’re wanting to see if something’s there, and they only way they can do that, they feel, is by getting closer to you physically and establishing that touching between the two of you guys. If you find a woman touching you, that’s usually her way of saying ‘Hey, I’m trying to escalate this, I’m trying to get closer to you, so touch me and let’s get over this awkwardness, let’s bond, let’s be uncomfortable with each other, ok?’ So touch her right back. do not be stiff and awkward. Don’t be all against the touchy-feely. Touch playfully, touch subtly – but find ways to touch her, so that she feels more comfortable with you, because the more you touch her and the more comfortable you are with both touch and with her, the more comfortable she is going to feel around you.
Though DeAnna Lorraine tends to beat her points to death, it’s actually good advice.
And yes, “a lot of guys who are shy and quiet tend to be not very comfortable with touchy-feely stuff, and they tend to be kind of stiff and awkward.”
I resemble that remark.
It’s like the time that Adrian Monk visited the martial arts master:
Master Zee: A great sadness has entered the room.
Monk: That would be me.
OK, the question is: how do I get used to touching and being touched? The obvious answer is: by doing it.
Sure, but how do I get started doing it?
One possibility would be to get a massage. Another possibility would be a visit to a professional escort.
I’ve sort of done both. And that my friends is another story for another day.