Introduction to the “love-shy”

Painful:

The love-shy include fully grown men in their late 30s and 40s who are not only as “virginal” as it is possible for anyone to be, but who can also be accurately described as less experienced in ordinary dating, courting, and elementary kissing than the typical, contemporary 12-year old…  incapable of getting started with the opposite sex, quite in spite of their very strong desires for a close, loving hetero-sexual relationship…. men who would like nothing better than to be able to marry and to have children, but who are not moving towards these goals because of severe bashfulness, shyness and social timidity….

With very few exceptions, the love-shy do not take drugs. In fact, they do not allow themselves to become involved in anything or in any activity, wholesome or otherwise, for which there is any kind of existent social support group.

That is the whole trouble. The love-shy do not have anybody to relate to as a friend or to count on for emotional support…. In fact, they are about as severely cut off from these normal social gratifications as they would be if they were serving a life sentence in a federal or state prison….

As of now, there is no “Shys Anonymous.” I strongly hope that one of the fruits of this book will be the development of such a nationwide organization, and of other support organizations such as “Coed Scouts,” and “practice-dating” support groups.

From preface to “Shyness & Love”, by Brian G. Gilmartin (1987), pp. xxi-xxiii.

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