Can’t Compare

Negative thought:  feeling I don’t measure up (socially in particular) compared to others.

Rational Responses (me):  Comparing myself to someone has no objective impact on my personal worth one way or the other. It affects only my emotions, not who I am. The only person I should compare myself to is me. There will always be someone who’s better than me at something – so what? Some people just have more skill than others. I don’t want to demand that another person not be so socially attractive. Getting down on myself won’t change them and just damages me. As long as I believe my social worth is measured by how others are there’s no way I can win, because no matter how socially adept I become, someone will always be better — there’s a few billion people out there who are more socially talented than me.

~ ~ ~

A related idea: “We don’t blame ourselves if we don’t know how to fly a plane or perform surgery when we never learned those skills. Likewise, there are communication skills, and relationship skills that make life move along better. They’re not taught in school and often not at home either.”

Richard O’Connor, Undoing Depression: What Therapy Doesn’t Teach You and Medication Can’t Give You


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