The Stairway To Alpha

Here are my 40 steps to becoming an Alpha Male – and transform myself from a shy bookish omega to a man that women want to be with. This a distillation of the advice, plans, and techniques that I have read and heard of, regarding what I have to accomplish in order to attract quality feminine companionship (usually defined as getting laid on a regular basis).

  1. Cure (not manage: cure) my mood disorders.
  2. Eliminate all my insecurities.
  3. Become able to interact with people on a basic level without a recurrence of #’s 1 or 2.
  4. Learn how to smile.
  5. Stop being an introvert and become an extravert.
  6. Join Toastmasters and pretend to like it.
  7. Become self-confident.
  8. Stop consuming porn.
  9. Lose virginity.
  10. Find just the right haircut for my hair and my head. Repeat.
  11. Invent a way to transplant the DNA of people who tan easily and smoothly into a naturally fair-skinned, freckly and mole-ly redhead like me.
  12. Save up $85,000 for height surgery.
  13. Purchase an alpha-male wardrobe (expensively faded jeans, designer print t-shirts, fuzzy hat, e.g.).
  14. Exchange my glasses for contacts or laser surgery.
  15. Stop being nice to attractive women, be a jerk.
  16. Memorize the basic principles of Game.
  17. Learn and practice the techniques of Game, until they are internalized.
  18. Watch Fight Club.
  19. Lose weight and develop big muscles.
  20. Develop alpha-male body language.
  21. Learn martial arts.
  22. Get tattoos.
  23. Watch The Matrix.
  24. Learn to play guitar.
  25. Stop being interested in astronomy, history books, obscure movies, Australian Rules Football, wargames, Mystery Science Theater 3000.
  26. Learn how to surf, snowboard, ride a motorcycle, bungee-jump, and skydive.
  27. Start several businesses.
  28. Consider moving to a major urban center (except Detroit or Portland).
  29. Purchase a smart phone and get used to it.
  30. Watch Fight Club and The Matrix.
  31. Purchase lots of condoms.
  32. Go to bars regularly.
  33. Go to parties regularly.
  34. Go to coffee shops regularly.
  35. Watch Fight Club.
  36. Take ballroom dance classes.
  37. Get on Facebook.
  38. Travel.
  39. Die.
  40. Watch Fight Club.

Or, Plan B: become gay. That’ll attract lots of female attention, just not the sexual kind.

P.S. – somewhere there’s a girl reading this and saying “Oh, you just need to be yourself!”

Footnotes

[1] Which I’ve been trying to do for 25 years. Caveat: see Dr. Lastname for the likelihood of cures.
[2] Chicks hate insecurity.
[4] However, later on when I’m learning Game, I’ll have to learn not to smile so much.
[5] Unless I move to Asia, where introversion is the norm.
[6] Prerequisite: 5 of the first 6 steps.
[7] Chicks dig confidence (perhaps more than anything else).
[9] So that I won’t have to lie about it. Chicks hate virginal men (even Christian chicks). See an escort if you have to.
[10] Chicks dig hair. (So, no more $5 cuts at the beauty college.)
[11] Chicks dig skin.
[12] Chicks dig tall guys. I’m 5’8”. I’ll need to pay for it myself because I doubt Obamacare (or Romneycare) will pay for it (and rightlfully not).
[13] Chicks dig fashion.
[14] Glasses signal Omega-maleness.
[15] Chicks dig jerks.
[16] This has about 10 sub-steps.
[17] This entails about 40 sub-steps.
[19] Chicks dig muscles.
[20] See Footnote #7.
[21] Whether I enjoy it or not.
[22] Chicks dig tats.
[24] Chicks dig sensitivity. Chicks dig live music.
[25] Chicks hate nerdy or uncommon hobbies….“Obscure” movies doesn’t necessarily mean they’re good…. I love footy…. By wargames I mean the old kind by SPI and Avalon Hill on paper hex maps with dice and cardboard chits.
[26] Chicks dig guys who do risky things. Chicks dig scars.
[27] Chicks dig success.
[29] Chicks dig texting. Right now I have a simple prepaid phone – that’s so 2003!
[30] Consider changing name to “Tyler Durden” or “Neo”. Playas need handles, dontcha know.
[31] btw, Tabasco Sauce is a handy accessory to have for your used condoms.
[32] Drunk chicks dig lots of things they wouldn’t dig if sober.
[33] Prerequisite: steps 1 – 5.
[34] Chicks dig Starbucks.
[36] Chicks dig dancing.
[37] Chicks dig Facebook.
[38] Chicks dig guys who have interesting stories to tell.

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3 thoughts on “The Stairway To Alpha

  1. Interesting, I came across this blog while researching the topic of love-shyness. I used to be in a similar situation as you a few years back and through much of my youth. Looking at this list, i’m curious how much progress have you made with the aspects you have some control over, such as learning a martial art, “developing big muscles,” et al? For me international travel opened up many opportunities for me, both in terms of personality and women. Got a college education? Traveled to teach English in Asia?…utilized dating sites?…Take care.

  2. I know at least some of these criteria were meant to be ironic, but…
    Learning a martial art I would recommend to any shy or insecure guy. I’d suggest a chinese art like Wing Chun – that has a more ‘internal’ aspect to it perhaps – over anything related to what they call “MMA”.
    After years of insecurity and general social awkwardness I started an Isshin-Ryu Karate class in 10th grade and pursued it until college. Looking back I realize a big mistake I made was not to follow it up into college in some way, because it would have helped me to strengthen my spine against the inevitable hazing that comes with living and sharing space with all guys on the 13th floor of the sterile dorm tower and made me walk with at least a little of the confidence I began to enjoy from grades 10-12…I walked straighter, I didn’t get out of the way of the jock bullies nearly as often (even showed signs of active resistance against some of their snark and meathead tactics) and even had the guts to talk to some girls without stuttering or spazzing out.

    If you do pursue it, do it with full heart and with an eye to the long term. I can speak from experience that it will help. It will get you into shape, too.

    Good luck with all your endeavors and wishing you all the best.

  3. noo… don’t be a jerk ! :) keep being nice to attractive women !! (are you really?) it doesn’t leave out irony, mystery or things like that.
    good luck !

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