I had hopes that it would do more than just increase my libido. What I really wanted were the other positive effects, such as:
- Increased energy
- Increased taking of initiative
- Increased decisiveness
- Less moodiness
In fact, I wanted those effects more than I wanted an increased libido. In other words, I was looking for testosterone’s psychological and emotional benefits. In other other words, I was hoping testosterone therapy would work as an anti-depressant. It was a behavioral health nurse who first suggested that low-T, aka the “male menopause”, might be contributing to my depressive symptoms. There have been correlations found between low T and depression in men, but the studies seem to say that it happens in older men. And I’m not that old.
So, every morning I pumped out two small handfuls of this clear gel that smelled like isopropyl alcohol and smeared it all over my lower abdomen, shoulders and upper arms. Then I went out to face the day like a new man. (No, not really.)
But I never felt any different. At first I thought I felt a slight increase in my sex drive, but I think it was mostly psychosomatic. But there was no effect that I could sense in my energy level or initiative level or mood. As far as I could tell, the AndroGel was having no impact on me.
A week ago, after two months of AndroGel, I had my blood drawn to measure what my testosterone level is. Apparently the news was good. My doctor notified me that the blood test revealed that my T level was wayyyy higher than my T level had been two months ago. He was excited and sounded very positive about the results.
But, I’ll say this again: I don’t feel any different.
I don’t doubt the blood test results. However, I cannot subjectively tell any difference in myself now compared to two months ago.
So I have to make a decision.
One, I could tell my doctor that I haven’t felt any effects from AndroGel. I imagine this might confuse him, and I don’t want any further embarrassment. I can’t see him increasing the dosage, since my testosterone level as revealed by the blood test is already 200 points higher than the doctor’s initial goal for me. He might say that if it gets any higher I’ll start picking fights with strangers or groping random women. He had told me that men imprisoned for violent crimes tend to have exceedingly high T levels.
Two, I could just stop using it. Right now it seems like a waste of money.
Three, I’m not so sure that I even want an increased sex drive, given how alone I am. If I had a wife or girlfried it would matter more. But, since I have so little chance of hooking up with anyone any time soon, maybe having a low sex drive is a blessing in disguise. It keeps the frustration and depression of loneliness away. It could be that when I was younger and would plunge into depression whenever my sense of failure with girls overtook me, it wouldn’t have hurt me so bad if I hadn’t had much of a sex drive to begin with.
If anybody reads this blog and has suggestions about what I can do to achieve the non-libido effects mentioned above, and increase my energy and initiative and ambition, please make them.