Game for Valentine’s Day

(This is written in the context of pickup-artist lingo. If you’re unfamiliar with it, please search for the terms on the Web)

On Valentine’s Day. . . .

The Alpha Male

Doesn’t give any of his plates anything for the holiday. Perhaps even forgets what day it is. Still, he winds up that evening in a hot, sloppy threesome with a pair of HB 9’s.

The Beta Male

Is $500 poorer after splurging for two boxes of imported chocolates, three dozen long-stemmed roses, a $7 musical greeting card, a homemade mix CD of sappy romantic songs, and something shiny made of 18 karats. He presents all this to (a) his current girlfriend/wife, who obliges him with brief missionary sex, or (b) the girl for whom he had oneitis and hasn’t had sex with yet, and after today never ever will, or (c) his ex-gf, who happily accepts the gifts but who still will have no contact with him.

The Omega Male

Surfs the web. Plays WOW. Watches porn. Masturbates.

The Love-Shy, Avoidant Omega Male (i.e., Me)

Goes through Feb. 14 just like any other day, all alone but OK with it. The next day, Feb. 15, buys himself a bunch of randomly-chosen chocolates because it’s now marked down 50% off after the holiday. Purchases it through the self-serve checkout line because he feels slightly ashamed of himself for buying heart-shaped boxes on the day after Valentine’s day and doesn’t want to be questioned or looked at funny by a live, human checker.

The Sigma Male (refer to this link)

Is able to explain to you in impressive detail how the original Saint Valentine has little to do with the modern celebration of his holiday. Might also toss in a cheap shot at the Roman Catholic Church’s teachings on sexual propriety.

If politically progressive, doesn’t celebrate Valentine’s Day becasuse it benefits the “big corporations.” Or, if politically libertarian, he does celebrate Valentine’s Day and justifies doing so by expounding on of Austrian Economic Theory. But you probably wouldn’t understand.

Have a good one. Remember, February 15th is only fourteen hours away.


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